some More of “MYSelf”
i should be writing alot more and covering a lot more topics, but the objective of this blog is solely to express MYSELF as I feel and when I feel. I am very interested in learning to convey myself positively, but my aspiration to express the complete ME supersedes all. I love to strive towards my goals and accomplish things, but I truly underestimate how much I dont Give a Fuck. At times I am truly “rude-awoken” by my disdain for anything outside of myself. Im truly built different in my polarities. I am highly motivated as a person with endless talent and potential, But at times I don’t even care to do good or anything that good consist of. I just wanna be me.
I’m a asshole, Im lazy, Im crazy, I aint shit and I dont give a shit. Especially in regards to authority, police and court and shit. smh. The good in me thinks its terrible how deeply unconcerned I am of any consequences. Just being honest with myself I dont give fuck what happens. I do what I want when I want, and If I did it– Ill deal with it.
I seen my mom this last holiday. I really seen and heard why I my life been such a struggle. Its Only because of Her. MY mom is so fucked up and backwards. And she reeeeeaallly dont give a fuck. My moms might be the coldest, most heartless bitch to ever live. I would be foolish not to accept the fact that I’ve been deeply affected by her and her ways. I truly forget sometimes all the wild ass backwards ass shit that I went through as a kid. As a Man I take full accountability for myself. But as the voice of an child I hold Marion Howard absolutely accountable for all of her bullshit, and ignorance. Ive never said it aloud (not even to MYSelf) but I was absolutely abused, manipulated, and neglected by my mother through my whole adolescence and well into my adulthood. To keep it 100 im still not completely rehabilitated from all the fuckin shit I went through in that fuckin house with that fuckin lady. Dont let me come across as mad, because Im absolutely not. Im just convey to myself aloud my depths formed of harsh reality.
All Im about is progression in my perspective and depth in my understanding. Its really sad to me sometimes to feel so far behind my peers in education, relationships and financial earnings. But Ive really learned that I have to “STOP” and take the proper amount of time with MYSELF and address the things that nobody has address with me. Ive truly Raised MYSELF as Man, since I was a little boy. And in doing this Ive made alot of mistakes. So in realization of these Mentoring errors Ive had to educate, re-Evaluate and then re Raise Myself again. This fuckin process has taken some much time, effort, and energy out of me. I feel like a OLd ass fuckin Man. For real. I feel 45.
I dont listen to music that 26 year old niggas listen to, I dont move the same, and I do the same things that niggas my age do. I so stuck on rehabilitate myself into the wonderful mufucka Im capable of being I dont even care what the fuck is going on in the lives of people outside my home. And its evident in my mannerisms alot of time. I feel like the most efficient time I spend is the time I spend to myself. MY first responsibility is to myself. Nobody as ever taken accountability for me, So I feel obligated to do such and to listen,counsel and console the Young neglected child inside me when ever I feel it necessarily .