Lately I struggle for mental clarity. And I strongly believe that its because of all my mental clutter I care about EVERYTHING- literally. I feel because of my all this clutter I loose grasp on my real goals or the big picture so to speak.
I spend sooo much of my time attempting to tie up every lose end, and somethings have no remedy and I have a hard time accepting that. By nature I am a person who needs to control everything in order to feel any sense of security and when I can not control EVERY aspect of EVERYTHING I just let go completely. Its like an all or nothing with me. In that sense Im stubborn and very spoiled.I believe very strongly in my way. I think that is why I created such a mess as a younger adult, because when I realized that in REAL life it is unrealistic to control all things-
I simply said fuck it. I learned a very nonchalant manner of dealing with ALL fucked up repercussions of my careless ways. It was my way of still being in control I suppose. I have definitely realized that I need a balance.