Let me try to say this effectively and accurately as I feel it.
I just want to be myself. For Myself. And most by myself. I feel like the less audience I have the more honest I can be with myself.
I feel that an audience or a group of spectators compromises the integrity that any action of mine is strictly for myself.
Some people base themselves entirely upon the response of spectators. They anticipate, and re direct their natural actions or verbiage, in order to evoke a particular response.
Ive seen a million times in the barbershop and other places where two or three Men talk and a women walks in and one guy goes completely into a character role with theatric expressions and all types of shit.
This what I mean in regards to myself. No matter how many People or how prominent a person may be. I have a absolute mandate of myself not to be influenced into show.
And because I feel that I hate, hate, hate, when someone feels that I may be attempting to or aiming to impress them. Or that I have any need to. I hate that shit.
Ill call the whole show off if my audience doesnt Appreciate that the integrity of who I am as a person would absolute conduct himself and carry himself in the same consistant fashion if there were Absolutely no audience.
I dont care to advance myself through my appearance, my behavior, nor the appeal of my speech. I want to be profound in my ideas, perspective, and in my ideals.
Particularly in my ideal to be behaviourly uninfluenced and just be myself, for myself, and most times by myself.
If u can appreciate that as audience I’d Appreciate that. If not then Let me have none (audience) in trade for my integrity to behave genuine of Mark.