Category Archives: LateNight rantz

Nunca

No puedes nadie impedir mi pinche ambicion.

Estoy ansioso de triunfar pero estoy muy paciente.

Con bendicion de Dios, no puedo perder.

Nunca!!

Soy “El Gritz” compa

My Tina

Everyday I think about my sister. I miss her too much to express. I feel I may never recover from the hurt Id feel If I really let myself go into the emotions my sister’s death provokes in me.Mrs. Tina Adams
Read the rest of this entry

Win from Here

This current incarceration is a tough situation for me and my lil family.

I have alot of plans and alot of frustrations. Im furious at how this system has stolen my productivity and the integrity of what I represent. But that same indignation is the cause of my confidence.

Im more confident in myself and in my ingenuity that I can win from here just as surely as Ive won from any other hardship and adversity.

Im too resourceful, im too resilient, im too intelligent, im too persuasive, im too productive,and im too relentless to ever lose; ever!

Winning is inevitable for me, because I simply wont quit and that’s the whole reason im The Gritz; because thats who ive proven to be consistently in spite of any and all adversity.

Im The Gritz, im currently in CDCR, and I can “Win From Here!”

On the way 2 paradise

Im not sure of what the significance of my life is meant to be. But in my strive towards it I encounter alot of satan.

The more I fight for God and whats good in my heart, the more bad I attract Satan’s resistance and whats bad for me.

As a child I remember reading the “My book of Bible Stories” published by Jehovah’s Witnesses. In an illustration of Adam’s expulsion from the Garsen of Eden, there was an “angelic” man with wings and a sword hovering at the entrance of the Paradise-Garden.

This image comes to mind in reflection of my life and the many trials and adversities I’ve experienced and encountered. Read the rest of this entry

What yall expect?

When I was 19 I produced a short hip hop track with a Ghostface Killah sample excerpting “what yall expect” on the chorus. As I wrote to it I expressed my conflictions with peoples expectations of myself.

Now at 28, I really don’t know what some people expect from me.

I really don’t give a fuck though. It seems that nobody ever expects that.

And no one ever expects me to be outrageously positive through any negativity.

I May not be communicating my direction very well but I am sure that it is being misunderstood by negative presumptions and  expectations.

Most people communicate their best representation of themselves, I communicate my truth.

Truthfully Im struggling with life and security but what the fuck does that have to do with outstanding character and relentless ambition toward my goals and aspirations thru application of my ideals and  principles? Lol

Nothing! So I truthfully don’t know what people expect from me in prejudice of my situational status but I’m Mark without any compromise and you can expect the quality of my essence and the consequence of my virtue to subside through any objection to it.

In Jesus name– I’m Mark. And expect you to learn the degrees in that.

2 struggle 4 self

When I turned 19 I got my forearms tatted by the homie Rudy at ink pagoda. Im 28 now and I always forget that they even there.
image

It takes somebody asking me what it means for me to remember em.

It some lil Chinese lookin shit that’s actually Mongolian for “to struggle” on my right and “for self” on my left.
(Right to left)

That’s what the fuck I’m about.  My whole life has been a struggle. Struggling is not a glamourous thing to be about. Its ignorant to struggle just to struggle you have to have a purpose. I believe my struggle is so purposeful and objective.

I truly have a life direction and destiny and there is no way I can get to it without audacious ingenuity and struggle.

Read the rest of this entry

Self affirmations

I’m so happy with my life and what I’ve done with it.  I’m always pushing for the optimum potential. I know I can do better and I will. I’ve learned so much patience and reserve.

Anything I wanna do is pretty much inevitable. A tyrants will is my ideal but its sort of my reality. God work in mysterious was and so do mark.

I go my own way and don’t really give proper explanations or justifications as to why. U can either fuck with me or get the fuck missing.

My happiness is based upon my effort towards my own agenda.

If I ain’t trying I’m dying. I truly rather die than not take hard shots at the actualization of my own shit.

And my humility allows me to even appreciate my earliest accomplishments on the timeline of that perspective.

My resilence won’t allow me to flinch through whatever…
I’m gritty as fuck and I love it.

Stuck on fake

Stuck on fake.

I can’t shake the disappointment I’ve become in the realization that so many people are ingenuine, untruthful, insincere, counterfeit, fraudulent, deceitful, and just plain ol fake.

Ive grown an expectancy for the shit but Everytime I think I found my own piece of true people the shit really hurts me to find out they lied too. 

Im just trying to find people of my likeness and the shit is a lonely ass disappointing search that Ive truly exasperated all my energy for.

I can’t shake fake and effects its had on.   I just feel stuck on it. The shit is my strongest ail. Shit is sad.

Attn:

I been getting a lot of attention at my writing lately. I never want to forget its origin and its true purpose…. Mark.

I write for me and my own satisfaction. I write for my own clarity. I write for myself and the growth of my perspective.

I want anybody that read my shit to know that. If u admire or appreciate my writing I want u to see and admire the me in it.

I take the gifts from God that nobody else wants. With blessing and grit I made my whole fuuckin essence into a passion expression that’s un tainted and pure.

writing is like water to me.

And Im just soakin.

#changethegame

Fuck you

Sometimes you just have to tell em “Fuck you.”

Im Sorry

I Sorry to the people I care about that i talk to crazy and abusively. Ive become such a fiery personality.

I so Sorry for the brash and curt words I love to use to express myself. Im so disappointed in myself and the time ive wasted in life that I my temper and patience with the people I care about has become so short.

Im so objective and sometimes I am way to Sharp in my relation.

Ive grown to think relationships are silly. But maybe just my own….

The people you want, love, need, and care for the most– are the same people you hurt and lose. Love is Life. And Life is Hard. Mark Lives and Loves Hard as fuck and Im so sorry if I ever hurt you.

 

What happened to…

Real Women

I really remember when women was real. I remember being 13 and falling in love with 30 year old women because they was so real. I seen them deal with some real situations and keep it so real and handled it so lady.

This last generation of 31 plus is so childish and so fake and so tv. None of them need a man for anything; so none of there kids have fathers in the house and that shit is cool with them. They proud of that shit. Its funny to me how much they not willing to do. And how much shit they not gonna put up with. How much they resent a Man telling them anything directive. Lol. Shit is too funny to me how entitled they feel and how stern they believe in all the bullshit they keep up. Its crazy how many “single” mothers are “available” and dating. I think my generation of women will set a much better Standard and example of being 30 and 30 plus. Lets get These 22 year old acting ass 32+ year old women out of here. They make the 30’s look terrible and immature. I feel so Sorry for young Men that have These terrible ass examples of 30 plus year old women. “In my day” women in their thirties were wives, mothers, lovers , had familys and still able to be sexy, strong, caring, spiritual, mature, sophisticated, discretionate, and professional. Im so in love with the memory of those sexy 30 plus year old women that its disapointing to expect the same qualities from this current one or this previous one.

I think this next generation of thirty is going to be special though. There going to bring back more of the classic Woman that i fell in love with at such a young age and I cant wait. Women in their 30’s are so gorgeous I would like to see much more of them Match their beauty with quality substance and womanly character. Thats true beauty. These 30plus Women of this last generation have been terrible. Not even meant as a bash. Just a shameful reality. The vanities, insecurities, egos, and immaturities are droughtful behavior and its evident in the lack of complete families.

So many women resent their own Men or childrens fathers but casually entertain each others men as “friends”. Its very silly shit. Im very attentive and unbias. So this is not a bash. But this is a very real observation. The truth is, that truth, isnt attrative to this last generation of 30 plus year old women. They are attractive and attracted to themselves. “Fuck real its about how i feel.” They rather appear real than to be any sorts of it.

Its terrible how selfish, vain, self centered, and self righteous the majority of these women are behaving. Their selfish, and resentful behavior is damaging to the stability of their own family and they are disregardingly negligent to the consequence and absolutely unwilling to accept any accountability for such liable behavior. The notion that they do not need a Man is not only silly but its terribly irresponsible, arrogant, and ignorant to sentence any child to a life of that logics consequence. “In my day” women used to watch Oprah, listen to Toni braxton, read books, and fight to keep their families together. Now they watch love and hiphop, listen to problem, post on ig, and fight at the club.

I hope my generation of ladies has learned from the mistakes of this last. (I think they have) i see more maturity, more grace, and more solid families and less resentment from them already. this years 30 year old women are the new generation of 30s and I think they have a beautiful perspective of themselves. I see much more Authenicity in them. The single women without children: their independence is much more of a natural and objective independence. They are concious of their own actual worth and not so much trying to portray worth by discrediting their lovers. The ones that have families are married and committed. I think that is admirable. And these are still late 20 yearold women but i think they will carry their authencity into their 30s and revive the classic real women that i lve missed.

Women are so beautiful. It hurts to see them dimenish there gorgeous nature by adapting such ugly characteristics and unrealistic perspectives from childish and immature behaviors. I miss when women were real. And im glad to see them making a small come back.

Real women care for their men, for their children, and their families wellness and sustanance.

Real women will DO anything to keep their men, their children, and their families. Especially if its as simple as compromising that silly ass ego, arrogance, and stubborn pride.

Real women “care” to do things for the people they love. Real women “love.” And a woman that loves is real women.

These fake bitxhes only dont care to do anything for anybody but they hair and fake like they such good mothers because they kids dads aint shit. Thats not love. Thats hate and thats fake!

Helping students help themselves

Counselor Gary shultz taught me alot this summer.  He taught me that caring is more of a practice than a sincere emotion. As a counselor, Its not necessary to care just ask counselor Brown, he doesnt give a fuck, a he’s sure not gonna pretend like he gives a fuck.

Shultz is more charismatic though. He’s the more likeable guy. He has alot of cool sayings, and phrases that people remember him by.

Like “dont throw the baby out with the bathwater,” and “the monster in the closet is usually just a coat.”

He has some cool others but I cant remember them all.   Oh Yea I forgot the coined slogan. My favorite is “Help me help you.”(I really didnt forget) Yea that ones cool. Thats like his closer… look direct in the eye, firm handshake, smile, and the GS “Slogan”.

Its pretty cool, its pretty cute. But I dont know…shit im just a San bernar doo doo niggga… But I prefer genuine concern and sincerity over cute as slogans.

Thats Probably why im un successful in life though. But im learning alot at college practice  sincere acts dont run around being all actually sincere. Smh. Silly nigga.running around being true and shit. I got it though. Ima get my irrelevant non context slogan game up for this sememster though.

check me out.  “Dont be real …just Let em see real”

“Help me dont help you.” No thats too true.

I got it I got it,peep… “Im here when you need me” (but I rrallt dont give a fuck lol.) Yea that told u I got it. Im learning that Riverside city college student shit.

Who gives a fuck

Who gives a fuck how u really feel or been thru or going thru or going go thru. Or what happened, or whats gonna happen, or what didnt happen, or why the fuck it happened, or why the fuck it didnt happen. Who gives a fuck?

God cares but he speaks through the trees and bushes and shit. People fuck your life up directly to ur face and tell you they care. But I learned when I was 10 that bitches concern is about 2 feet deep. Try diving in that shit head first and see if she give a fuck why you hurt. Lol.
Shell communicate with yo ass forever about it though. Todos problemas no resolución puto.

This is a poem by the way but who gives a fuck?

Satan is a Bitch

Satan is a Bitch. If ever you are on the verge of some type of significant progress He’ll always throw a silly tantrum to vice your whole agenda. You just have to look for his faggot ass be aware of his presence and call him a bitch to his face. With the authority of Christ satan is a weak bitch using a man’s imperfections to gain leverage. Everyone knows how tricky some bitches can be. Think of the most ignorant, manipulative, disloyal and malice agenda’d bitch you know (everybody knows her. let’s not be shy) she is satan mimic. If you give her the attention and the opportunity shell forever ruin your positive progress with some silly ass, meaningless bullshit. This may sound of some comical expression but to my father in heaven I am telling you the realest depiction, description, and alert of satan and his weak ass motives and agendas. He hates to see men progress toward positivity. Thats why transition is always so hard satan is a bitch and bitches hate positive change. Bitches hate progressive plans. I’m just telling you what I know. (Non-fiction) satan is a weak bitch and I don’t fuck with bitches. I know all his faggot ass characteristics. Im familiar with his sully ass voice. His ever present discord with hope, ambition and progress. Satan is a bitch I used to flirt with that wants me so bad but hates me so much because I ain’t fuckin with her, I don’t like her, I don’t think she cute attractive, funny entertaining, or none of that weak shit satan use to vice strong men of god on a verge significance. Satan I’m not your fuckin man! I’m not your fuckin trick and I’m not your fuckin sucker. Leave me and my family the fuck alone! My father’s provision will never let you kill me so…Next time I catch you hanging around me, my space my job, or my car– trying to get me caught up in your silly ass antics– In all the authority of Christ ill fuckin kill u you u bitch. Straight up and down , Stern and sincere without a flinch stay the fuck away from me and don’t ever touch me again. Father bless me from here forth in my abstinence from satan and his silly ass cons Amen

?

How can I expect to write anything profound at 2 am with without alcohol or marijuana?

Smh Silly me.

Watch Your Mouth

I think my writing holds so much weight because I don’t have much to say. A person’s opinion loses its validity when it chimes in loosely on everything without any applicable eduction, authoritive insight, or relative experience.  Sometimes you just have to  know when to shut the fuck up!
Less is alot more in the case of relative opinion. A reserved mouth says a lot more than words. In my case it speaks of my integrity and my sincerity without having to say anything. My short verbage and Long consideration is like visa….Every where I go i’m respected and accepted. – Gritty

Crazy as fuck

My worst is my best and my best comes from the worst shit u could imagine. 

I been thru so much of myself. The width of my personality exposes me to so many Highs regardless of of my lows. How can u balance ur inbalance?…

Just Pray and try.

Fuck it up and suck it up. pick up all the broke piece and puzzle again.

Everytime i figure myself out i shuffle my deck and deal myself back in.

Everytime i ever win i lose but now matter how many times i lose im always gonna win. 

Thats just Mark. Crazy as fuck. And dont give a fuck. Shit just is what it is and it aint what it aint. So i never gave a fuck about what Nobody think.

My raw ingenuitive brilliance derives from compensation to my ignorance.

Satan hate me but god love me. Demons curse me but angels bless me.

Balance is Contradiction. Im crazy as fuck. Watch how much brilliance reflect from darkness.

Lost? and Found!

I always been too much personality and too much activity for alot of peoples comfort level, but Ive never been at a point where I feel Im too much for my own comfort. There’s is absolutely too much going on in my life right now and I cant even figure out where to began focusing. I guess school should be it, but shit wouldn’t be the first time I fuck that up. I just been, reading, writing and praying. I dont know what else to do. I don’t know what else to say. I dont even remember the last time I flirted with a bitch. All that player shit and all that mackin shit is so far from where Im at in my head. I dont have any extra conversation for anybody extra than what is absolute necessity for me right now.

I hope I aint fuck up my life with the lil bullshit I got wrapped up in but Im not ready to quit. I still went and got me a new shop to do my thing at. no matter how bad shit get, Im Mark, and theres no dilluting that. Its crazy how clear my view of heaven is when I get knocked on the ground smh. I thank God for not deserting me when I need his direction most. As of matter of fact everytime I get lost is when I find God the easiest. I love how available he makes himself for me. I feel like God is my Triple A. lol. I got a flat, im outta gas, lost, my battery dead, and I need a tow all at the same time smh. Wild nigga, cold world. Thank God for God. I need him so much. I love him for loving me so much. Im so fucked up right now. Im so lost right now. Im so confused right now. Im so tired. Im so sad. Im so frustrated, Im so scared. Thank you Jehovah for having my back even when Im frontin’  in your sons name I ask you repress my anxieties and nourish the faith I have in me. A’ humble fuckin-men. smh. – gritty

Im just Being Mark

I find a way to push away from people with apprehensions of me. because Im all of that shit they apprehensive of.       I dont wanna hurt anybody I just wanna be Mark. love me or leave me…for real. _greyBoyShit

Mark Anthony Howard

I try to be considerate to people and adjust my depths accordingly,  but Shit sad cause I drown alot of mfkz in my shallow ends.

Im highly aware of how uncomfortable I make some people in there uncertainty of me. Im just not the type to disclose everything to everybody. So this is my confession. Im uncomfortable around alot of people. I cant stand when people stand to close to me at the grocery store. I truly need three feet. So when people get too close to me I get uncomfortable and do something or say something to back them off or away. It is deliberate and intentionally but its just genuine. Sometimes I feel like I lose alot of potentially great friendships but most times I feel I filter alot of potentially bitter friendships. I find that the people I scare away are mainly scared people anyway. I dont need that. I don’t need anybody’s apprehensions around me. I’m just being Mark.

Nothing can stop Mark from being Mark. I dont care if it Kills me. This is who I am this is who I have to be. Ive really lacked the opportunities to be anything else,  Truthfully I wouldnt even want to be any other way. The shit is current event to actually feel a superior partiality to being who the fuck I am. Being me has always been my vice now I feel like the shit is my endowment, The reward for enduring through me all those years is being Me this year. Im like a fuckin Rock in relation to my fortitude. I wont budge off shit. I dont give a fuck what nobody say in oppose of what the fuck Mark wants. “If you aint for me… Ignore me” is my favorite quote of myself. I rather be left alone to figure how to compensate my faults than be accompanied by somebody else mouth rambling about irrelevant shit.

Ive seen Nosey people tune in to something they wanna hear so hard. In my mind im the exact contrast; I tune the fuck out on shit I dont wanna hearso hard. This funny nigga that come in the shop got this crazy exWife I told the nigga I couldnt even fuck with her, this the advice he gave me… “when in doubt … Tune it out” haha, funny as fuck huh. Real Shit tho. I truly have trained my ears to only her shit that is applicable productive and relevant to myself and my perspective. If I cant learn nothing from it I dont ever want to hear that shit.

This is my same approach to people I feel. If I cant learn from you I cant, I wont, and I dont, want to fuck with you. I dont wanna waste my time and I dont wanna waste your time. I swear to god I only have productive relationships. And its absolutely because I have such a disdain for trivial shit. If you not about nothing and Im fuckin with you then Im not about nothing so we not about nothing! I just can even be that type of person I dont have the energy to play like that, Im 28, not 8. So all that to say The fastest way to shake somebody that dont fit with you is to keep showing em the part that dont fit. say or do some shit they dont like and people that aint supposed to be there get the fuck gone.  just kinda of a lil filtering process for me. I love to hard and unconditonal not to have that reciprocated in my relationships. I like to be an advocate of everyones true Self so in all my friendships I need/demand the allowance to be all of me. if You uncomfortable with some of me then get the fuck away from all of me or give me my space when Im being that some. I promise to god its nothing personally malice towards you…. Im just Being Mark