I keep thinking about my big sister. Most people that only know me lite weight never even knew I had an older sister. She a lot of my closeted truths. She something else. She is so genuine and so loving but she so fucked up and so losted. I really be worried about her.
I don’t feel like I pray enough for her, do enough for her , or try hard enough for her. But the shit is so sad to me because I don’t think anything.I do can help my sister. I wanna help her so bad.
I hate to see her sad and lost and doing the same shit that she been doing since I was 13. I want her to do better so I try to tell her the best practical shit I know to say applicable to her.
I know she hear me but she ain’t the type to listen. So the shit just frustrating to me. How can u help somebody that need ur help but don’t want ur help?
She don’t even know how to help her self Smh. (Pause…. This George Benson vinyl album I bought is so bangin!! Haha …) Sorry. But I’m starting to get over it.
I think that its sad that my sister is fucked up but how sad can the shit be if that’s all she want for herself. I think that as an accountable adult you ultimately get what you deserve for yourself.
U all u wanna do is repeat a fucked up cycle then u deserved to be fucked up. Grow the fuck up sis I love u but all the cheering and believing that I’ve done with you and for you has left me fucked up sad and I’m really disappointed.
As much as anyone has ever believed in you, I have. As much as anyone has ever loved u I have. And as deep as anyone has ever cared for u, I have and I’m so fucking disappointed in you and fucking mess you becoming. I have faith in God but I don’t believe in bullshit. I hope he’s able to reach u through all of yours. I love u and I still ain’t judging u. But my own growth won’t allow me to continue justifying all the bullshit u put yourself and the people that care for u through.
I remember concurring with you that our mother was at fault for a lot of your habits. I still think she may own some accountability but how the fuck can somebody be more accountable for you than you are for yourself?
I truly love u baby. I ain’t no better than you at all. But you know how hard I go on myself so If your shit was my own Id say the same shit…. stop making excuses stop fucking up. Read a book get your Shit together and grow the fuck boo. I love u —Anthony